A Lesson Well Learned
Lillsakura
Lillsakura@yahoo.com
PG
CLFF Challenge, Wave 20, Pig

Summary: The purpose of a pig.

Disclaimer: No pigs were hurt in the making of this story. The
Smallville characters do not belong to me; they are property of the WB/CW

A Lesson Well Learned
LillSakura

The pig had been given as a present for his thirtieth birthday. Alan
McCoy, an old biochem partner from MetU, had forgone the traditional
card and instead had decided to give him a bundled pink pig in a
basket. Attached to the blue collar was a note:

My name is Achilles
Please keep me safe and fed.

Was it a joke on the receiver's lack of children? (His well-known love
of mythology was no secret, and Demeter, the goddess of earth's
fertility, (a probable metaphor for his own fertility) valued pigs)
Was it a joke on the receiver's lack of relationships? (Abandoning the
mythology conspiracy, the pig is considerably close to humans in its
genetics- maybe the pig was supposed to offer comfort?)

Lex had no idea what to make of it. He had never taken care of a
domestic dog let alone a farm animal. The first day he let the pig
roam his apartment while he worked at LexCorp. It didn't take him more
than one day to learn that wouldn't work.

The pig had mucked through the newspapers, tearing them to shreds, had
knocked over several antique vases, had ate itself sick with books,
and had bitten around a leather cushion, nestling it into a makeshift
bed. (Maybe the last was a makeshift shrine out of reverence to its
deceased cousins?)

Maybe the biochemist meant for the pig to represent Lex himself-
destructive and spiteful but clever.
Lex never understood McCoy. The wise ass had gifted him with eccentric
"presents" only twice before: his 21st, a safety net, and his 25th, a
rubber duck. Would McCoy be offended if Lex gave the pig to a farmer?
Lex had no idea what McCoy would think.

That night, Lex barked (had he been reduced to a mere animal?) orders
to his secretary for pig kibble (supposing there were such a thing),
blankets, a private vet, and odor eliminator.

The second day Lex learned Achilles demanded more attention than money
could buy.

"Mr. Luthor?" The squeak of his newly hired secretary broke the CEO's
concentration.

His eyes snapped off his laptop to the intercom, glaring a red light
at him, with an irritable sigh. "I'm listening."

One second, two seconds-

"Oh, yes, um-" Three seconds, Lex waved the secretary on impatiently,
annoyed at his erroneous motions, which were invisible to the
incompetent employee. "You're maid has called, and uh," five seconds-
how much time did the verbose secretary think he had anyway? "well,
there's been, a, uh-"

"Get to the point or get off the line." One, two...

"Sorry, sorry, uh, uh, there-" This was getting ridiculous.

Click. Ah, the joys of modern technology! it made getting rid of
people that much easier: just a simple press of a button rather than
the frustrations of shooing employees out of his office.

Lex swirled his chair in a swift motion to his laptop,and he began
speed-typing notes into his laptop, revising yet another copy of the
agreement with Wayne Industries.

If he had it his own way, employees would never be allowed to take
maternity leave, and he'd never have to deal with provisional
replacements hired by oversexed managers who look more for beauty than
quality.

In a perfect world...

"M-Mr. Luthor?"

She would be gone by 11. Lex made a reference note to fire the manager
who hired her. Bless the corporate laws allowing employees to be fired
for the sake of company image. Lex's company image was certainly
diminishing from their employment.

The red button beeped again, and without a thought, Lex pressed the
button, only to be interrupted with the secretary's timid voice, "Mr.
Luthor, the- the maid called to let you know there's been an
ac-accident involving a - a pig."

Damn.

----

McCoy forgot to mention in the brief note that pigs require the same
amount of attention as mangy mutts. Having been locked in a cage for
all the morning, the pig squeaked such a racket the maid freed the
animal, causing the released pig to scramble out the nearest exit: an
opened door leading to the balcony.

Lex knew he should have put in safer gate around the area. As he
watched the terrified pig teeter on the ledge, he briefly thought of
letting gravity pull the pitiful animal to his doom. Unfortunately,
McCoy's opinion of him weighed more than the mindless death of a ham,
and Lex forced himself to swallow his pride.

At least, he tried. After the second, "come here, piggy; come on
Achilles," Lex felt fate was fate, and if fate decided the pig had
lived a long enough life, well, Lex would be damned to prevent it.
Hadn't he learned that lesson from Juno in The Aeneid?

Lex could always hold a mock funeral; maybe it would give him better
PR with PETA.

At least McCoy would know he tried.

Lex took a step forward; the pig hobbled back, its hooves clacking a
great racket. Maybe a side attack would work? Lex slowly maneuvered
his own body over, careful not to disturb-

Too late. The pig freaked, squawking as tumbled backward, finally
teetering off the ledge. Lex ran forward, trying to prevent the
inevitable.

WHOOSH. Lex only saw the black hooves, as the pig flew down the
thirteen story building.

Double damn.

---

Lex lost 16 stock points that night. Allegedly, according to the
National Inquirer, he viciously threw the "helpless piglet" from his
balcony in a fit of rage; following the "murderous deed," three police
came to arrest Lex for animal abuse, but none succeeded. (The National
Inquirer chalked this up to "hefty payoffs.")

The situation grew worse, worse than the incident with the supposed
"daylight hooker" in his apartment last summer.( Much to Lex's
embarrassment the "daylight hooker" was an professor at Princeton, who
was continuously harassed for many days afterward. At least the
National Inquirer lost credibility of the story soon after it was
published.)

But pictures of a raging Lex aggressively running onto the balcony,
with the free falling pig meters below, proved everything- except the
truth.

No, the truth came from a spandexed bird. With seconds from death,
Superman saved the suicidal, attention-deprived pig from death.
Luckily, Superman had finished saving cats from trees just in time to
hear the squeals.

Not only did he save the pig, but the red bird had the decency to stay
out of Lex's business for once. It was almost amazing; except Lex
realized Superman probably was the only witness to the truth of the
event, and as such Superman knew Lex did not throw the pig off the
balcony.

But the alien with a hero-complex took three days to come forward to
save the CEO from going bankrupt. After three 18 hours days of keeping
his company floating, Lex was punished with receiving the pig back.

Apparently, the noble Superman overheard the whole incident with his
super hearing., but Superman never told why the hell it took him three
days to come forth with the evidence, and Lex had his own theories
about Superman's sadistic, humanitarian behavior.

The third night of having Achilles, Lex had a sudden craving for bacon.

---

"What?" Tap. Tap. Tap. With the piercing eyes of the pig watching his
movements, Lex felt more trapped than he had in years. Maybe the pig
was wired with bugs? Maybe from a old business partner with a grudge?
No evidence proved the pig to be from McCoy; the note wasn't even signed.

Did the thing just mew? Lex eyed the pig, standing on the antique rug,
impatiently heeling the expensive fabric. Achilles stamped down its
black hoof, demanding Lex's attention.

"What do you want?" The pig turned his head towards the door. "What
are you, a dog? I'm not going to walk you." But then, did Lex really
want another carpet ruined? Lex got up to fetch (he really was an
animal) a leash."You're more trouble than your worth."

However, unlike a dog, the pig would not follow him everywhere. Down
the elevator they went, through the lobby, out the door and then the
pig would go no farther. He halted at the top of the stairs, backed up
a foot, and graced his lean, pink body down on the ground in a sign of
rebellion.

Lex did not notice his fuzzy roommate had left his side until he
reached the bottom of the stairs, and he was at a loss when he
realized the pig had not indeed followed him down the multitude of
stairs.

Lex was stuck. He refused to beckon the wild beast in public. And if
he became temperamental with the beast, the press would fly through
the streets, snap the angry pictures, and he would be slammed by PETA
again. (Although, after PETA adopted those animals (a publicity stunt)
and then had them euthanasia (they probably didn't think that would be
uncovered,) most people still overlook their organization.)

Lex suffered in silence. Could McCoy have an unstated grudge against
Lex? Was this the point of the pig?

Giving up, Lex head back up the stairs, the inky black eyes glaring at
him the entire time. Just before he reached the top of the stairs, a
stray figure in black picked up the pig. And the pignapper went on the
go, down the stairs. Should Lex stop the pignapper? Should Lex let the
pignapper steal the annoyance? Or-

No, wait. The pignapper was heading down the stairs to Lex; it was not
a pignapper after all. Rather, a humanitarian. Lex found himself
wishing the man had been a pignapper instead. It would have been less
troublesome. Maybe next week?

The pig was handed to him, squirming and squawking. The man laughed,
adding with a cheerful voice, "Pigs don't like to walk down stairs;
it's hard for their feet."

Oh great, just want he needed: pig-advice from a stranger. Oh wait,
there was a badge-- a pig knowledged stranger who happens to be a
reporter? Only in Metropolis--- oh wait, he knew that face: bright
blue eyes, cheerful smile, distinguished cheek bones, unruly black
hair. Only his life would be this circular.

"Clark Kent."

----

Lex last saw Clark Kent five years ago at a high school graduation,
where Clark proudly walked with the rest of his classmates to receive
his diploma. The same day Lex went to Beijing, and when he came back,
he had several new investors and no reason to return to Smallville.

From there, they fell out of touch, but Lex had continued to consider
Clark a relatively close friend (even if the two never talked.) This
semi-friendship lasted until Clark teamed up with the unleashed dog of
a reporter Lois Lane. After the fourth report exposing LexCorp and its
CEO, Lex scratched Clark off the small list of people allowed into his
office unannounced. And after Clark's first trip around Metropolis in
tights, Lex diminished Clark's ability to communicate with him
totally. (Not that the privileged was a privilege ever used.)

And yet, there Clark was, giving him back the demon pig for the second
time, but this time he was disguised as a human. Lex idly wondered if
Clark was due to disappear for another three days again or if he was
going to stick around a while.

"Lex Luthor." Clark replied, a grin tugging at the side of his mouth.

Oh good, at least they still knew each other's names. Now if they
could move this on--

"How have you been?"

Oh, what a simple question. An inquiry waiting to become an
inquisition on Lex's personal life. Now to slam the question down, so
Clark would know what ground he stood on. Lex began in a hostile
voice, "Is this off the record?"

"I probably deserve that." Clark looked chagrin, a light hue floating
on his cheeks, "It's off the record." He abruptly changed the subject,
mostly to dissipate the rising tension, "I never pictured you as a pig
man."

Lex waved his hand around, offering the explanation, "It's one of
those seven step programs. After five wives in nine years, my
psychiatrist became worried; he told me to reassess my relationships,
to figure out why they all tried to kill me. I bought a pig instead. I
needn't know why the fifth wife tried to suffocate me in my sleep or
how I managed to escape yet again."

The fifth wife, a European model, had drugged him and had proceeded to
hold a pillow to his face in his sleep. Much like the rest of his
wives, Fly-Boy, shinning in his flamboyant red and blue, had been
there to save him. Only with the fifth wife, Lex couldn't remember
calling out for help. This began what Lex called the "Superman Stalker
Theory:" Superman pays extra-close attention to Lex and his
activities and waits until he has all the necessary information
gathered to destroy LexCorp.

"Didn't Superman save you from your previous wife?" Clark's innocent
face was almost believable, just as was his third-person reference to
himself. (Lex idly wondered if Clark was schizophrenic.) However, the
face only confirmed what Lex already knew: Clark was Superman, and
only missed idiots missed the similarities. When Clark was
uncomfortable, even in the red and glory costume, his nostrils flared
slightly and his eyebrows inched upwards. It was a character trait
uniquely Clark-like.

And given Clark's look right now, he was definitely uncomfortable. Good.

"Oh yes. He did. It seems after I left Smallville, I lost Clark Kent
as a savior and gained Superman; sometimes the two of you blur
together. I might have accidentally said, "thanks, Clark." when
Superman pull my wife off my air passages."

Clark was never given the chance to respond, as Achilles took the
liberty of tugging in Lex's arms, causing Lex to almost drop the pig
and have another near fatal accident with the pest.

Although the conversation played at the tip of Lex's mind, the
hostility in the air calmed down, and Lex remembered why he was even
outside in the first place: to take the pork chop on a walk. And at
Clark's sudden spacey look, Lex decided to save Clark from ridiculous
excuses about the laundry needing to be changed at this exact moment.
Lex took it as a Quid-Pro-Quo: Clark helped with the pig, and Lex
didn't point out that Clark has super hearing. Being an in debt
billionaire had never been on Lex's high list of achievements anyway.

-----

Achilles calmed down the next day. As if touched by magic, all the
rebellion whirled up inside the pig collapsed. Maybe the pig was
surrendering to Lex? Maybe the pig was saving his energy for a greater
ruckus. Or maybe the pig was responding to Lex's own confusion.

Clark Kent shouldn't enter Lex Luthor's life again; not unless this
said entrance involved nuclear weapons and thousands of threatened
kittens in trees. And even then, only as a last resort.

And yet, in the next several weeks, Lex did find Clark in his life. He
found Clark hovering around his apartment-- sometimes literally. Lex
contemplated digging up some Kryptonite for cape-boy, but he found his
energies were better used with his company, because while most of the
damage had been fixed, the fluctuation had caused some decreased
confidence in the company.

After the second day of Clark's hovering, Lex did, however, have the
energy to buy lead-line storage cabinets for his more incriminating
objects. And while the first night of the perceived stalking (Lex
refused to call it less, especially with the formed "Superman Stalker
Theory.") was creepy and unnerving, Lex felt he could almost
appreciate Clark's attention. (Almost, because Lex still was not sure
about Clark's intentions and thus the contemplation about Kryptonite.)

Lex could call Clark's bluff, shout out that he is Superman, and have
Clark leave him alone permanently. But then Lex would lose the higher
ground- he was saving the information for blackmail, if he ever needed
it.

On another note, the pig could have been better behaved mostly because
of Lex's newfound seclusion, as much as being a CEO allowed, to his
apartment. (Lex refused to believe his new attraction to the apartment
had anything to do with Big Bird's feather-plucked cousin and his
stalker habits.) Or even the increased attention Lex spent on the pig.

And yet, even with the extra attention Lex was throwing at Achilles,
Clark seemed to have entered into the daily routine there as well.
Sometimes on one of Achilles five walks a day, of which only two were
Lex-sponsored, Clark would "happen" to be in the area and walk with them.

In the beginning, for each time Clark walked with Achilles and Lex,
Lex would set up an "accidental" minor plant problem the next day. But
even after the third time, Clark did not stop walking with them, and
Lex felt between the loss of money and damages the effort was not
worth it, so he stopped. (Lex refused to believe he stopped because he
might have begun to enjoy Clark's company.)

---

"Come on; I don't have all day. If you don't get up now you're not
getting out until eleven." Lex had been reduced to persuading the pig
to leaving. He supposed it was better than being degraded to carrying
the prince pig.

But, Achilles didn't even look up, his pathetic eyes looking hazily at
the ground; the pig hadn't moved all morning. Lex decided to give him
a few more hours, taking his work home for the day.

But when mid afternoon came around, and Achilles began to make mewing
noises, Lex decided to phone Clark. Clark responded immediately,
flying (Lex supposed literally) over to the apartment.

"He hasn't moved all morning, and he keeps moaning." Lex didn't
mention that he didn't trust his veterinarian to take well enough care
of Achilles. He had another theory about the veterinarian wanting to
kidnap the pig. He didn't want to think why he felt Clark was safe to
call over to take care of the pig.

"It seems like an upset stomach; what have you been feeding him?"

"Pig kibble, water."

"Is that all?" Clark paused, looking down at the zoned out pig, "You
should add more variety to his food, maybe some worms or insects."

Lex raised an eyebrow, "Am I supposed to give him live insects and
worms?"

"The fresher, the better."

You could take the boy off the farm, but not the farm out of the boy.
"Right."

"Give that a try, and give me a call if it doesn't help." Clark stuck
his hands in his pockets, sending Lex flashing back a decade.

"Why don't you stay? I have a pool table if you want to play." Lex
would not mention the pool table had not been used since he bought it.
Lex would also not mention that the pool table was originally bought
several years ago when Lex still considered Clark a friend. (Lex would
not think about what he considered Clark now.

Clark grinned, "Sure. I haven't had someone beat me in a while."

"My door has always been open; you could have come." Lex really didn't
mean for it to come out so pathetic or resentful, in fact he didn't
mean to say it at all. He didn't want to sound like a hopeless
romantic, a puppy-dog following his master. (Maybe he should start
reassessing his feelings for the Cape-Boy-Wonder.)

"We haven't been on the smoothest terms lately." Clark shrugged. "You
left for China, and came back a CEO of a growing company. How was I
supposed to know you didn't resent me? We were barely speaking when
you left."

Aha. At least Lex wasn't the only sappy member of the group. "Clark.
My mansion was open to you since you were fifteen. Had I ever denied
you entrance?"

"You left for years. Things change. People change. I was partnered
with Lois Lane; she's been attacking you for years--"

"You know I don't immediately assume the company you keep says who you
are. I don't go around calling you Superman-" Lex paused. He should of
thought of another example, quickly sorting through his brain, he
attempted to think of another person Clark was known to hang out with.
White. Lane.- Lane! --

Too late, the pause had been too long. Clark looked at Lex, "Calling
me Superman?" He looked down at his hands then back at Lex and he
finally laughed. "I should have known you knew after the room fiasco."

What Lex had meant by "calling you Superman" was referencing back to
the company comment, but it wasn't until the words were already out
that Lex realized how it sounded. And now that Clark had outed
himself, well, Lex's power over Clark was revealed and the power
therefore decreased. Stupid farm boy.

Stupid pig. And Stupid McCoy for starting all of this.

"Look, Clark, it wasn't much of a guessing game-"

The pig sounded a loud protest. Achilles had lost his greenish-tint,
but still lay bedridden, and now demanding more attention.

Clark looked over at the pig, looking at it while he spoke to Lex,
"You know. I thought you were heartless; I thought Lionel had won
after all these years. You haven't let anyone get close to you, not
even relationship wise. I had been waiting for the day you made a
mistake, something that was openly criminal. Lois had been following,
but I thought it was too dangerous and took over the position. Not
that she gave it over that easily, but I eventually wore her out.

"But the day I saw you, racing across that balcony to the pig, I saw
not Lex Luthor, CEO of LexCorp, but Lex Luthor, aspiring
boy-billionaire. Your Achilles made me realize I still had my Lex
somewhere in there. And after I had you in my life again, I really
didn't want to let you out. You've always been this mad presence in
the back of my mind, pushing yourself into my daily thoughts. I don't
think I could give that up again."

Lex looked at Clark, really looking at the man, not the childish boy
from Smallville, but the reporter from the Daily Planet and
Metropolis' Hero. Could he accept this man's- what? a wish? a
confession? an apology? Lex wasn't even sure-

Wait. This was Lex Luthor, CEO of LexCorp, in Fortune's 500. He may
not be "heartless," and he might care for a pig, and he might even
care for Clark, but he not about to miss out a chance at the upper hand.

No, rather, he was going to use this to his advantage. He was going to
use what power he still had more wisely. He could grant Clark's wish,
granting him entrance back into Lex's territory, but he could be wise
about it as well. Lex cleared his throat, "I can keep your secret, on
the grounds you take care of the pig."

Clark ran a hand through his hair, this was not the response he
expected. "What?"

"Take it or leave it; I have the National Inquisitors number on like
4." He was not about to mention the irony in the declaration.

Clark looked at him, as if he saw through whatever disguise his words
wore; he had the decency to look flustered and angry before agreeing.

At the handshake, Lex felt something lift off of him, and suddenly the
hostility completely vanished. And suddenly they were Lex and Clark
again. And suddenly, Lex understood what the pig was for: to reconnect
old friendships.