Title: Have
a Mice Day
Author: danceswithgary
Email: danceswithgary@yahoo.com
Rating: R for language
Challenge: Everyone should have a pet in their lives
or so it's said. But is it always the right pet? How
do others react to it? Is it even normal? Or is it a
Smallville mutation? Is it a gift? Does this bring our
boys closer together? Pet: Mice
Notes: Many thanks to my betas, selinamoonfire and
strlingdragnfly!
Summary: Small, furry and Lex. Who knew? (CLFF 20
entry)
***
Have a Mice Day
***
"Hey Lex, you busy?"
"Not at all,
you?"
"Hah! *I'm* doing something for *you* for a change.
Here, hold this. I need to bring the rest in from the
hall."
"
"Just a minute, Lex. Let me put this on your desk."
"It's a...metal cage filled with sawdust. And a
miniature Ferris wheel?"
"Exercise wheel. Now open the box."
"Mice?
"Aren't they neat? I was walking by the pet store and
I saw them in the window and I thought of you."
"
rodents that reminds you of me?"
"Gee, I suppose I could say because you're all sleek
and fast as well as always curious and running around
trying to figure things out."
"Could say?"
"Yeah, but mostly I thought about look on your
father's face when he walks in and sees them on your
desk."
"Ah, there is that. All right, let's put them in their
new home."
"Whoa! Gotcha! Careful, little guys, I don't want to
crush you by accident."
"
"They...squooshed right through the bars of the cage!"
"Squooshed?"
"Yeah, watch. See they did it again."
"Oh, *squooshing*. Now I understand."
"Wow, they can make themselves really flat. Hey, that
must be how they managed to get into the cupboards at
home."
"I don't think I want the details, Clark. I'd like to
continue to enjoy the occasional meal at your house
without worrying about secret ingredients."
"I don't think that's going to be a problem. My mom
wouldn't let any mouse live in our house any longer
than it takes to put out poison bait."
"Not reassuring me here, Clark."
"Oh, and we also changed how we stored the perishables
after that. The house is one hundred percent
mouse-free now."
"Tell me. Was any logic employed in your decision to
give me a pair of the same species of animal that your
mother terminates with extreme prejudice?"
"Logic? Here, hold one, they're cute and wiggly."
"Clark, I really don't...Ow!"
"Lex! You dropped it!"
"It bit me! You bought me vicious, man-eating vermin!"
"Let me see."
"I'll probably need a rabies shot."
"Lex, it didn't even break the skin."
"Clark, where's the other one?"
"I put in the cage so I could try to catch the one you
dropped."
"The same cage they just squooshed out of?"
"Oh. Oops?"
"No problem, Clark. I'll just imagine my father's face
when he sees an *empty* cage on my desk."
"I'm really sorry, Lex. I guess I'd better see if I
can catch them. Maybe the pet store will take them
back."
"Fine, I'll go see if the housekeeper has any traps."
// A few minutes later //
"What the...!"
"Umm...Lex...you're back."
"I suppose this is another one of those times I have
to pretend my eyesight was bad or I'm drunk or I have
another concussion and I couldn't possibly have seen
what you were doing when I walked in. Which one is
it?"
"Lex...I..."
"That's a new one. I'm guessing I'm suffering partial
amnesia brought on by the removal of a flannel shirt."
"I really..."
"Closely followed by the t-shirt underneath.
So...Clark, I'm almost positive I didn't just see you
lift that half-ton cabinet with one hand to look
underneath it."
"Almost positive?"
"I'm theorizing that the sound of a zipper opening
might destroy a few more brain cells."
"Lex?"
"..."
"Lex, how's the amnesia now?"
"Hmmm? Oh, sorry. Got a little distracted by the
answer to the ever-popular 'boxers or briefs'
question."
"Oh that. I can explain. You see, Chloe..."
"Please, please stop right there. I do *not* need the
image of you, Chloe and a red satin thong...damn it's
too late. Now I'll have to lose a lot *more* brain
cells."
"Maybe all those clothes you're wearing are stopping
the memories from leaking out of your head fast
enough. Why don't you let me help you with that shirt,
Lex?"
"Clark, I can assure you there is definite leaking
going on and a head is involved."
"Mmmm. Now *I* have the answer to the ever-popular
question. Nice."
"Yes, it is nice, I'd even say super-nice."
"I can't believe you just said that, Lex."
"I'm getting criticism on my humor from the farm boy
who just delivered two escape artists, masquerading as
rodents, to my home?"
"I'm sorry. How about I make it up to you over there?
On the desk."
"Mmmm. One of my favorites. Why don't you just show me
those *ordinary* muscles and carry me over?"
// After a brief interlewd...no, that's interlude //
"Clark, there's sawdust in your hair."
"You should see the floor."
"I see that I have a new addition to my galley of
accidental art by the artist known as Clark 'The
Terminator' Kent.
"I didn't mean to crumple the cage. It sort of got in
the way when we..."
"Hence my use of the word 'accidental'. It's all right
Clark, we can just...Fuck!"
"Again? Already? That's pretty fast recovery time,
Lex, even for you."
"I'm not nearly as fast as the mouse I just saw
running along the wall. Clark, *please* tell me that
you bought two of the same sex."
"..."
"Clark?"
"Lex, haven't you always wanted a cat?"
fin