Title: What if?

Author: Keikokin

Rating: PG

Warnings: Set in future, AU, OCC, major fluff, first time

Summary: Clark’s angst is killing him. And he’s not alone. Written for CLFF Wave # 37

Disclaimer: SV and Superman belong to DC Comics, CW, WB and others. I do not own the rights to them. No maliciousness is intended toward the actors who portray these characters.

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Clark stared off into the distance. He didn’t notice the corn gently waving in the wind. Nor did he see the amazing Kansas sunset that seemed to cover half the sky. None of it made a dent in his musings. Leaning on the fence, he allowed his super-vision to come on and hunt out its favorite target – one very elusive, Lex Luthor. Despite being a grown man in his thirties, Clark had never stopped wondering ‘what if’ when it came to Lex Luthor. Sure there had been a rumor here or there that Lex may have desired him at one time. But that was years ago, before Lex and Lana got together and later divorced. Lex never remarried and Clark never married, period. Lois was fun now and again but she was a work partner. It was better that way. Lois had moved on and married Wally a.k.a. the Flash and they seemed to connect. Then again perhaps only the Flash could keep up with Lois Lane. It was nice, Clark reflected, that he didn’t have to worry about rescuing her anymore.

He did, however, miss saving Lex. Not that he liked for Lex to be in life or death situations, but being able to hold him afterwards was something he relished deep in his heart and soul. Had Lex ever loved him? Did he love him now? Is that why he’d become a virtual hermit in the old castle? Gabe Sullivan was one of the few who saw him on a regular basis, when he came each day to discuss the plant with Lex. If it hadn’t been for super-vision Clark wouldn’t see him at all. What was the truth? Did he dare just race over there and demand answers? Once they had been true friends, but maybe that was all it was ever meant to be. He watched as Lex ate his supper alone and wondered if it was all wishful thinking on his part. “Lex I’m sorry I messed things up. I love you.” Clark declared, feeling the words and feelings rip at his already broken heart. Clark inhaled sharply as Lex stopped all movement and seemed to turn to stare at him. Common sense told Clark that there was no way in hell that Lex could have heard him and yet, the coincidence was too much. He was barely breathing as he and Lex seemed to have a staring contest over miles of fertile Kansas farmland. He tuned in with his super-hearing trying to piggyback it on his sight and almost jumped when it finally worked.

Lex was breathing hard. The breaths coming from him seemed labored as if Lex was in a great deal of pain. “God Clark, I’m sorry. Only I could fuck things up this badly. I miss you. And I never stopped loving you farm boy, even after you grew up. If only …”

A complete white-out would be how Clark would describe it to his mother later. He couldn’t see or hear anything. There was no acknowledgement in his mind that he’d broken the fence, created a new row in the corn, broke down the door of the castle or threw Lex’s bodyguards to either side. But a heartbeat later Clark stood at Lex’s side, covered in debris, his shirt torn and his boots smoking with a huge dopey grin on his face.

Cautiously Lex reached out and plucked part of a corn stalk from Clark’s shoulder as he stood up. He remained speechless and simply stared into Clark’s eyes. Clark nervously bit his lip; it was a left over from when he was a teenager. Lex had that effect on him.

“Why didn’t you come before? All those nights, all those years and I always wished you were here.” Lex whispered.

“I didn’t know. But I’ve always regretted the way things turned out between us Lex. I was the one who messed everything up. I love you. If only…”

Lex chuckled. “Yes, if only. There seems to be a lot of that going around.”

“I’ve missed that.” The sound of Lex’s laughter seemed to make his heart turn over. “I’ve missed us.”

“There was never an ‘us’ Clark, just me and you. If you really love me as you say –“

“I do! I do!” He interrupted.

Lex smiled for the first time in years, it actually made his face hurt. “Good man, you keep repeating that while I have you meet a good friend of mine who happens to be the local Justice of the Peace.”

Clark found it was hard to tell if he was teasing or serious but he stood straight and pulled Lex to him. The air seemed to crackle around them as he clearly said, “I do.”

Lex growled with desire. Grabbing Clark by the nape of the neck and pulling him forward, he kissed him violently, smashing their mouths together in a battle of wills. Clark felt Lex’s taste wash over him, an odd mixture of fine food and wine with a hint of power. It was intoxicating, thrilling and oh so very healing. Years of angst had shattered his heart and this kiss was healing it, making it beat once more. The brutality of it seemed to be a territorial marker for both of them. Lex gasped and pulled away, resting his forehead against Clark’s cheek. “Don’t leave me again. You have to promise Clark, even if we only go back to being friends. I can’t take it again.”

“I need to tell you something first.” Clark began, knowing it was time for full-disclosure.

“You are a gay alien and part-time super-hero,” Lex shook his head at Clark’s stunned expression. “I had enough time to figure it out, but not a clue as to how you felt. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“All I ever heard were rumors. I couldn’t be certain that you’d laugh in my face or not.”

Lex smiled, pulling Clark in for another kiss. “Not.”